Soul Presence

Hello? Hello? Hello? Are you there? Hello? Hello? I can see you I can see your body But I cannot feel you I cannot feel your soul Are you there? Are you there? Hello? Hello? Hello? Hello? Hello? Hello? Hello? Hello? Hello? Are you there? Are you really there? Great! Because sometimes we shrink ourselves to fit the occasion or to fit what's stated on our business card In our daily encounters we sometimes pulled into the future to plan, to visualize or we are taking into the past to worry, to ruminate, maybe to regret And yet this to be present to connect with other people It's our deepest human instinct It's how we survive We need to be accepted by our tribe in order to survive Our brain is wired like that And my brain is wired like that right now as well So to be present, to connect It's not just soft skills It's about survival It's about whether we thrive in our lives and can connect with people Or whether we wither away in loneliness So presence is actually one of the most beautiful gifts that you can give another human being Soul presence It sounds grand but Actually it's very simple There's nothing mystical about it Soul presence is about speaking your truth from your wisest place Wise and wisdom That's again big words But wisdom can actually be broken down quite scientifically Researchers have done that And I will present that a little bit later But sometimes we don't speak from our wisest place Sometimes we are just an echo of norms, trends, ideas we find on the screen Maybe by AI Maybe we're just an echo of other people's ideas Or maybe we retreat into our ego And when we connect with other people it's more about defining and judging and persuading Competing, winning And that all leads to disconnection So what I will share with you in my talk today is exactly about presence I will talk more about soul presence I will talk more about wisdom And I will also give you three little hacks Very physical internal resets that you can do to Work with the quality of your presence But that's a little bit later Because first I want you to take somewhere else I know you came to Copenhagen But I was just in Athens recently To a big summit like this That was about AI and democracy and philosophy And how we can stay human in this era of fake news and AI And Athens is also the city where Ancient stories whisper their wisdom in the air And one of those stories I took back to Copenhagen to retell to you Because some of the Greek stories, some of the Greek myths They are invented to reflect us To actually warn us Of what we are endangered of becoming And we are endangered of becoming Disembodied echoes in this era of AI This is something you can use in daily life Connecting with human beings But it's also something you can use in front of the camera Definitely And I have a gift for you at the end That targets exactly that But first I would love to bring you to Athens If you are willing to travel back in time with me Far far back to the ancient Greece To Athens, a little north Up in the mountains There there was a mountain called Mount Olympus And there lived the power couple of that time Zeus and Hera Zeus, the king of gods Charming and powerful and always looking for trouble And Hera, his queen Sharp and regal And always watching out for his endeavors Because Zeus loved to visit the nymphs The beautiful young nymphs at Mount Helicon And to refrain from getting caught He had a helper, a secret trusted helper Named Echo And Echo was this young beautiful nymph Raised by muses So she could play every instrument And she had this wonderful gift She was a master of words She could tell the most mesmerizing stories With her beautiful voice And what she did was When Hera came to look for her husband She stepped into her way and started to Wrap her into these beautiful tales and vivid stories And Hera totally forgot where she was Until one day Hera realized what was going on She realized that Echo was just a shield of words She was a mere distraction And you can't fool a queen forever So she said to Echo I know what you're doing You are using your voice for untruthful intentions And therefore I will curse you From now on You will only be able to repeat what other people are saying You will never be able to speak first Cursed by that Echo isolated herself for many years And she could not speak first She had to wait for somebody else saying something And then she could repeat After many years of isolation she went out And something wonderful happened Because there she met this Beautiful young hunter Narcissus Breathtakingly beautiful And notoriously cold-hearted And she fell instantly in love And followed him into the woods And she wanted She had this burning desire to say something To say But she couldn't And when Narcissus finally noticed her He just looked at her and Rejected her harshly Humiliated and Heartbroken Echo fled into the forest And hid in a cave Amongst jagged rocks She stopped eating She stopped sleeping Her body faded away Her blood evaporated And her bones became stone And the only thing that was left Was her distorted voice A disembodied sound That fled into isolated places Where it's still haunting you today If you try out to speak first What a story I know this is a myth But the pattern is real How often in our organizations In our conversations Amongst our loved ones Do we hold back our perspective How often do we change our voice To fit the room How often do we let other people speak first To repeat and follow the pattern So We risk becoming this repetition This echo of other people And that is what the story teaches us That when we abandon ourselves We become an echo of other people And the big tragedy about echo Is not that she lost her voice It's actually that she lost her soul presence She lost this ability to tap into that wise place in herself And speak her truth And real impact It doesn't happen from repeating what is already known It comes from speaking from a place of clarity and truthfulness That's what the story tells us When we forget that something important is happening Because then we slowly lose that sensation Of what it feels to tap into that wise place Where we can speak our truth And it's gone So how can we cultivate that wise place Here we can actually look at research at science Because there's this Austrian psychologist Professor in psychology Judith Gluck And she has looked into what wisdom is And her research reminds us That wisdom is not just about cognitive capacities The smartest person in the room Is not always the wisest So wisdom is not just something for fairy tales and philosophy It's something that we can cultivate as well And I have my wonderful clicker here Because I would love to share those three insights That Judith Gluck has found And she says these qualities are what defines That ability to act, decide and show up From your wisest place The first is to have an explorative open mindset And that means that we don't meet the world As we think it is or hope it is But we actually really meet it as it is And that demands that we are Permittable or vulnerable and daring And that also leads us to be able to visit Other people's perspectives for real Not that we just think we do it But we actually do it So that's the first ability or quality And the second one is Ego transcendence What does that mean? It means that when I take decisions When I show up I don't do it for myself and my nearest ones To benefit us I do it for the greater good I do it on long term I try to act wise and not just for my ego And third And very related to the three hacks That I will share with you in a little while Is emotional self regulation Because I can be as cognitive superior as possible But I cannot tap into that If my body is working in the opposite direction If I start to tense up Forget my breathing Retreat into my egoistic little skin bound entity I have to actually also with my body My energy My being Extend my willingness to connect with people I promise I will make it tangible for you Before my talk is over So This is the three qualities And I know when a lot of people go to work Or go on stage We think a lot with our head I have to do this I have to do that And a lot of people who go to work They actually forget That they bring their body along It's just something that comes there Well dressed and it's there But there is so much intelligence in our body And I like to call this That we can of course mindset ourselves But we can also Body set ourselves And that's what I want to share with you In a little while But of course we are mind and body But the interesting thing is When we look at the signals that travels between Body and mind It's about 80% Of those signals That travels from the body and upwards So how we carry ourselves How we breathe How we Our nervous system is stated Is all affecting our mind So I can say I have to deep breathe I have to connect But if I don't go through the body I've only done half of the work But of course mind setting is super important So I have three things Three little principles Actually big principles That I love to share with people When I work with them In order to be even more connective And soul present And it's very much about how you meet other people And the first is this about Unconditional positive regard When I meet someone Do I judge them Do I judge their behavior Or do I have this Unconditional positive regard Because I'm sure that person is doing what she or he is Because of a reason I don't have to accept it But I can accept the human being And then we can talk about the behavior and the actions But the human being Is always met with this Unconditional positive regard Let's say over here On this chair Let's say there was a hostage taker Kind of a dark character I could either be transactional And talk about timelines And money and cars and guns Or I could be a little bit more Relational in my communication And make that person feel like a human being first Because research shows us That the brain changes And when you are accepted as a human being You are able to change behavior You are able to actually have a conversation So unconditional positive regard Is actually used by FBI in their negotiations Technique It was a breakthrough When they really got lost 32 years ago Because that becomes too transactional There was too many incidents that went wrong And they realized This relational communication was so important To make the other person feel human And that's also when you're on screen When you're on camera Are you yourself having the negotiating eyes Looking for acceptance Or are you having Towards yourself Unconditional positive regard Because you are okay And then you can share and deliver So that's the first It comes from Carl Rogers Who is a humanistic psychologist from the 50s But was really revitalized by FBI actually The second thing is this about How do I look at another person? Is it first the title, the profession, the name Where you're living Or is it first of all That unique human being I've never seen anything like that I don't have to do it that much But Do I actually see the you before I see the it? Also with leaders Do I have fee owners and human resources That works for me Or do I have people? Human beings That happens to be I'm blessed They actually work for me So it's two different ways of looking at other people And it's from this French philosopher Within especially dialogue He says you can either Look at other people as an it Define them Or an oak tree, a casus, whatever The Latin name Or I can look at them as a you The wonder of that other human being That then happens to have a title, a job, etc. For leaders I believe The more busy you are The more you can happen to Itify other people And the same if you're in front of the screen Are you looking to a neutral anonymous mass And just talking Or are you looking at someone specific Talking to that person Even though it's just a black screen But you are utifying your message And not itifying And last I was lucky to be able to ask a question To one of the grand masters of questions Karl Tomm Who is this Canadian therapist He's in his 80s now He was in Copenhagen And we had this little tea Ceremony, so to speak And I asked him from Sitting in a chair In front of people In a therapeutic situation for 50 years What was his greatest takeaway And what he said to me was That he related to people Or he related to the relational space Between people Instead of looking at Skin bound entities And I just loved that expression So Are we in a conversation About everything that we share Or do I actually look at that other person As somebody disconnected from me So is it relational space? Or is it skin bound entities? So that's kind of The values that you can be governed by The values that you can bring into a room And people pick it up With their nervous system They feel if you are there And willing to connect What I call permittable and open Or if you are actually guarding yourself And guarding the other person And scanning them Judging them If that's the mindset What about then the body set? Here I have these three little hacks for you It's from the Actors Toolbox Super simple But super transformative So I would love actually Not only me doing it But I would love you to join me So Again Body setting It's this about respecting How much intelligence We actually have in our body Before I go into a stage I use my breathing I activate my vagus nerve The longest nerve in the body By deep breathing I show my body that I show my brain That I'm allowed to be here And I also ensure that my voice Is placed in my body And not up here Because I want to connect with you out here No, it lives here It lives with me And I'm sure I can connect with you If it stays here So I would love us to work Very lightly with breathing With the body Extending our energy That's a little subtle But it's something actors know a lot about And it works And also the last thing How we can work with our Embodied voice So the voice lives in the body And not just up here in the throat And all these things Are fantastic Before you go in front of the camera Or into a meeting Or whatever I know That usually And also Today People who come to this summit Is A little bit higher leveled Intelligent than the normal average person So I'm sure we can do this together That you can find a person to work with You just have to say a few lines You just have to do some very light exercises But if you turn around Find someone to work with We don't want this schoolyard situation Where somebody is left out So let me know if you are It doesn't work that well if you have three It's much better if you have two I see a lot of loving glimpses Towards each other That's great So As I said First a little bit about breathing A little bit about the bubble And a little bit about the embodied voice But the first thing I would love you to do Is take turns Decide who goes first The first person says what is stated up here Hi my name is Puk Scharbau And who are you? Stop And the other person says the same It's just because we want a baseline So we can change that Hopefully improve it So just a minute for that first little exercise And we need to be a little bit subtle Because otherwise we cannot hear anything here So subtle This embodied voice is here Okay Alright I think that was enough time What often happens when we have to do this We forget a little bit to Internally set ourself And maybe it's not important for a conversation like this But if you really want to be present How can you actually Align your energy very fast And now I have to ask someone a very intimate question I think it's you Yes It's very intimate How many times a day Do you think about your breathing? I think about my breathing Five, ten times maybe That's fantastic Yeah You are very special in this room I think Yes I read a lot of books about breathing I love this participant Wow Yeah And why do you do it? What does it add? It makes me relax And I think a lot about breathing through my nose Instead of through my mouth I didn't prompt him Beautiful Yeah Yeah And it has an effect A huge effect So beautiful Also when I have to relax and sleep Yeah Yeah Breathing is really important for me Thank you Thank you Thank you so much Because when I work in organizations Or with whoever, leaders, specialists When I ask this question It's often a little hand coming up Because people have had stress Or go to yoga or something like that But most people don't really think about their breathing I think it's four years ago This bestseller came out by James Nestor An English science journalist It's called The new science of an old art form And it's all about breathing It's a fantastic book And it was like when a man came with that book New York Times bestseller It was different from the yogis But it's a fantastic book And it has actually had a huge effect out in organizations You read that as well You can recommend it as well We don't get any percentages But the point is I work a lot with people To change how they breathe How they operate How they feel How they communicate How they lead And I must say That the biggest differentiator Is actually the breathing And what Nestor states in his book is that If you go into an organization It's like 95% of people Who have a dysfunctional breathing pattern Because we are so accelerated We are always busy So it becomes This breathing pattern that happens up here We are just topping up And we are never really Really breathing Finding home to ourselves And actually also A lot of biochemistry is happening Especially if you do it through the nose You also stimulate the vagus nerve The longest nerve in the body I will not preach about breathing I will just say My magic tool And it's sometimes so simple It's this It's about Smelling A flower It sounds poetic And it is It's like If you pretend that you smell a flower You actually automatically do that deep breathing I can see somebody enjoying it already That's wonderful What I would love you to do I would love you to do exactly the same That you just did But apply this little super tool Also about wisdom If we are breathing like this Hectically We send little signals out to our organization That we are a little bit in a crisis I used to say that great leaders Are never in a hurry And some people go pale And a little bit green in their face Because if you cannot administrate your own time How can you dare to begin to administrate other people's time And breathing can be actually What relaxes your nervous system So when you come into the room You actually exude this peaceful well-breath being And not this Alertness So I would love you to do exactly what you did before But apply this little wonderful tool Smell the flower And I can tell you The top CEO Rewarded by TIME Magazine in 2024 He smells the flower I'm just saying So Do exactly the same Present yourself But before you do it Breathe in through the nose Say the line I am the room And then again Breathe in through the nose And who are you So before you speak You actually Smell the flower And then you speak on the outbreath I'm sure You can do that And I would love you to do it To experience the little difference One and a half minute for that And I think you have done it most of you So And if you haven't You have a second go now Because I would love you to also Play with Energy Because I can be that skin-bound energy But I can also Bubble other people Hmm Now it gets weird Act as weird Let's imagine that my Peripersonal field here is not Invisible anymore Filled with nothingness It's like a jellyfish And I can either retract it Like this Or I can Envelope the other person in my presence And here I say Your obligation is to share 50% And the other person has to meet you Don't do like 80% It will be too much But it's an idea But we know it when people are like Hi, how are you? Or Hi, how are you? Not doing it but It's a little bit like super focus on that person So The idea is You either flip this jellyfish backwards Hi, how are you? Or To the other person Hi How are you? And it's like Also This This little vulnerability appears I'm actually asking you for real I see a lot of people who like Would you like to go for lunch? Would you like to go for lunch? But not Would you like to go for lunch? Don't overdo it Try that please So just how are you? And extend the energy And how are you when you pull it back? See if you can just sense it very lightly One minute for that You can either use these lines Or just saying how are you? If your We Well I'm Okay, so I would love to hear one of you. Did you feel any difference? Yeah? Did you feel a difference? I thought the most interesting was to hear her experience. Yeah? Because you know your own, but to hear her reflect on how it was, and then me reflecting over her reflection. And did you feel a difference? Yes. Thank you. And it's slight and subtle. Thank you. But for example, I had this young specialist, and he said when I come into my boss's office, it's a little bit like, he wants to ask me a question, I don't know what it is. And he said he was a little bit like caught by the light. And he said, now I just bubble him, and I breathe. And I'm just there, present. It's not a problem. So breathing. And remember to, if you're going home and you want to be upgraded on your flight, try to bubble the person who serves you at the counter. It will happen. And what will also happen, you need to speak with an embodied voice. There's actually a lot of research that states, if you want to have better service, if you want to be higher in the hierarchy, stay with your resonated, embodied voice. Don't go up here and don't start to swallow your words, but stay here where you have chest resonance. So the last thing, try to put your hand on your chest. Very lightly breathe in, smell the flower. And go, ah. There's a choir here. Pete. He will do something about that. So the breathing, the bubble, and then last, this with embodied voice. As a last thing, I know it's a huge statement, I would love you to say this with me, first to yourself. Thank you. Then to your neighbor, and then to the whole DR-Byn. So in a moment, I do like this, and then you breathe in, smell the flower, and say, I connect with my wisdom, and I speak my truth. Then a little bit louder, and then, wah, by the end. Are you ready for that? Yes. So, smell the flower. I connect with my wisdom, and I speak my truth. And try to really feel this vibration here, that's where the resonant voice should happen. So once more, to your neighbor. I connect with my wisdom, and I speak my truth. Yes. And then a last huge statement for all of Copenhagen. Smell the flower. I connect with my wisdom, and I speak my truth. Yes. And I promised you a gift, so before this talk is over, here it is. You can scan this QR code, and you will find a 22-minute video training where you will learn more about body setting, about the embodied voice, and about what I call camera love, how you bring all of this in front of the camera. But I will promise you that if you have this mindset of meeting people, if you breathe, if you bubble the camera, and speak with an embodied voice, Hello, my name is Puk. No, no, no, no. Speak as if you speak to a little creature here on your shoulder. Hi, my name is Puk. Hi, my name is Puk. Then it gets personal. And that's what we like. So, that was the time I had to share some insights with you. I hope you enjoyed it. Thank you so much for participating. Thank you.